I Am Not Alone

My Experience from the Theology Beer Camp 2023

Tripp Fuller and Tim Whitaker

Those of you familiar with my journey know that these past 10 years have been a time of great upheaval and re-examination of my faith, my sexuality, and my whole life. During this time, one thing had remained consistent: There were others who were going through the same thing as I was and shared their experiences in books, lectures, podcasts, and music.

I got to meet so many of them this past weekend at the Theology Beer Camp 2023, which was hosted by the podcast, Homebrewed Christianity and held at the Venues Church in Springfield, Missouri, which is just 30 minutes away from me.

Yes, I went and signed up as soon as I could. No, I am not going to tell you how much I drunk.

This was the first event I had ever attended and it felt like they had me in mind when designing it. That’s a selfish assessment, of course, but I got so much out of it.

Was everything great? Well, no, not exactly. So I think I’ll get that portion out of the way first.

The Uncomfortable Stuff

I am an introvert. It takes awhile for me to come out of my shell. This is mostly ok for me. I know my boundaries, but parties and loud gatherings can emotionally drain me. The first day almost did that to me.

A couple of things helped me: Someone unknown to me randomly came up to me and asked me all about myself and why I was there. We found some commonality. I was a former missionary and he was a missionary’s kid.

Another thing that helped me was meeting a friend I had not seen in such a long time. We both had been in The Salvation Army and had left it years ago. We had that shared experience of what it meant to leave a toxic religious environment.

This was not the only bad thing. I had to listen to an unfortunate presentation that made some friends of mine quite uncomfortable and who actually left during the presentation. I won’t say much more about it other than one of the podcasters, Tim Whitaker, with whom I had been talking with afterwards told me that some times we just have to let things go when we don’t like what we are listening to. It was good advice.

The Intellectual Stuff

This is what I had come for: listening to theology and hearing voices, especially from perspectives I might not have ever considered.

The first main thing I heard came from Tripp Fuller, the host of the podcast, Homebrewed Christianity. It wasn’t actually from him, but from a disgruntled student of his. Tripp was trying to explain how our relationship with Christianity is often the result of chance, mostly because of where we were born. A critique of this came from one of his students, who said:

“Are you telling me Christianity is a historical expression of culture, supported and structured by evolved cognitive mechanisms, and my deep attachment to it is an accident of birth?”

More often than not, yes, except for those rare incidents where someone switches religions.

I heard so many great voices, from Dr. Thomas Jay Oord, who was making a strong case for inclusion in the LGBTQ community, to Dr. Reggie Williams, who taught us how Dietrich Bonhoeffer only first changed when he was in Harlem and learned from the black theologians there and first developed an ethic of resistance from them.

Throw in a little fun and I was also involved in a discussion about how hope was the main focus of The Lord of the Rings.

There are so many other stories and lessons I could share with you, which probably could fill a book,

But it was the Music . . .

Music was what changed me during this weekend.

First, I was able to meet Trey Pearson and his husband, Jonathan. Trey’s story mirrored so much of my own life, struggling with his sexuality, but then finally coming to peace with it AND his relationship to God. Meeting him and just chatting with him about our experiences was so refreshing. It is that reassurance that we are not alone in our struggles.

Then that night he played his song that had brought me to tears when I first heard it: “Hey Jesus.”

That song more than anything has expressed what I had been feeling for so long and the struggles I had with my own sexuality for so many years.

And then there was the incomparable Flamy Grant, a Christian Drag Queen Singer. For many this will sound like a shock. How can that be? A drag queen who is also a Christian singer? She first came to light through a great example of the Streisand Effect, when Sean Feucht attempted to discredit Derek Webb for supporting Flamy Grant and doing a video with her. Rolling Stone had an excellent article, describing exactly what happened.

And yet, this wasn’t everything she is. Her songs and her story beautifully expressed the struggle of every queer person of faith: Being rejected by the Church, but still having that relationship with God when people told us “no.”

As I listened to her sing, the tears rolled down my face. Maybe I am still not quite used to it, but I felt Mason Mennenga, who sat next to me, just comfort me. He later told me he wanted to acknowledge what I was experiencing and let me know that I was not alone. The next day I talked to Flamy and told her how much her songs met to me. I started crying again. I didn’t mean to, but she just simply told me to let them flow because they were healing tears.

Derek Webb and Flamy Grant

And that was the lesson I discovered: I am not alone. Even when society rejects me, when religious people tell me I am going to Hell because of what I am, I am not alone. I have Queer siblings and Straight allies who are there for me and with me, standing with me, crying with me, and loving me.

And in that queerness I have found God.